How God Carried me through the Deep Darkness of Miscarriage
Since Christ saved me, I have prayed daily for so many things and one of them is the grace to trust God more in whatever situation I find myself. I remember the discussion I had with my Pastor, I had shared with him my challenges at work and the things I faced and he told me that remembering God in the midst of my trials is in itself glorifying God. I just want to always remember that and be comforted even before I face any trial.
Matthew 5:4 “Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.”
I know that the suffering that Christians go through is never because God hates them but He does all for His glory ‘Psalm 135:6 says whatever the LORD pleases, He does, in heaven and on earth, in the seas and all deeps.’ My suffering was for the glory of God, that I miscarried my twins at 8weeks was not to make me cry or feel bad but to glorify God and to know his peace and comfort.
I remember the day we had the pregnancy test done, my husband had insisted I wake him because he wants to be part of the journey towards having our child. I had a special dance that morning and we both thanked God, rejoiced and praised God for the soul. He was giving us to nurse. We had several discussions on the name to give our child, we were not worried about the sex of the child, knowing that children are gifts from God – Psalm 127:3.
I was 10weeks gone when I decided to go to the hospital to register and have all the scan and test done, I was spotting too. I was having the scan done when I asked if the baby was breathing, I was told they could not hear it. At that point, I closed my eyes and prayed, I said ‘Dear Lord, I know your ear is near to the heart of your children, you will and do all to your glory, help me trust you.’ I was asked to meet with the doctor after the scan, there I was told the baby had stopped breathing at 8weeks 4 days, it was called a Silent Miscarriage and I needed to do an evacuation right away. After asking so many questions, I decided to go back home, tell my husband and decide on what to do.
On my way home, I did not know how to feel about the news, I was so indifferent not that I did not know that having a miscarriage was painful but I truly was not just numb of any feelings. I knew I was not going to be carrying that baby anymore, the child will not have a name. The Lord knows. I sang a hymn as I walked to the house, “God is in his temple, the almighty Father, round his footstool let us gather”. When I got home, I called my husband to tell him, just as I knew he would, He remind me of God’s word and that I be comforted in his word, then I cried. The tears came when I was reminded that God is aware of all that is happening.
2 Corinthians 1:3-4 “Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God.”
Romans 5:8“God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.”
The deeper a Christian understands the gospel, the more they will appreciate the sovereignty of God. Christ died to save sinners like me, not because He was a martyr or He was helpless but because He loves us so much that he willingly laid down his life to redeem us back to God. The gospel message is so powerful to change a sinner’s heart from looking to the world and self for help but to Christ the author and finisher of faith. I knew that God will glorify himself in whatever was going to happen to me.
The life of a Christian is not free from trials, else how do we explain that God daily sanctifies us? It is important to always remember that whether good or bad, it is all for the glory of God. Christ has told us in his word that in this world we will meet trials and temptations but he will deliver us from them all. What a joy!
Romans 12:12 “Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.”Prayer, patience and hope will help you through tough times.
OUR COMFORT – GOD
All I needed that day was to sing hymns, pray and sleep – and that was exactly what I did. My husband who was away for work kept calling me to know if I was fine, little did he know that the Lord had been preparing me for this suffering as we read through the book of Philippians. We both shared God’s word and reminded ourselves that all that God does is never merely to make us happy but for His glory and our joy should come when God is glorified. With those words, we were most comforted.
Psalm 119:50 “My comfort in my suffering is this: Your promise preserves my life.”
With the peace I felt that morning, I sent a message to my friend who I had earlier shared the news of a baby coming with. I set out to the hospital to get the evacuation done. Thankfully, I went with my sister-in-law as my husband was away for work. It was truly a moment that I pray never to go through again. I felt so much pain that I could only pray for strength. That day, as my sisters kept calling to comfort me, my reply was “God’s ear is near to the heart of His children and His eyes are on them always”. Those words comforted me.
Romans 8:18 “I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us.”
OUR JOY AND HOPE
Psalm 18:2 “The Lord is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer; my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge, my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold.”
We reminded ourselves always on the sovereignty of God, His will, glory and that our joy be found in him. We have taken life’s lessons from the word of God and have looked at everything from the eye of God’s word. We have been in lack and had nothing to eat but the Lord has kept us. In all of these, we have always seen God’s hand in everything and having a miscarriage was not an exception. God knows and I trust Him to take control.
We thought everything about the miscarriage was over until I started bleeding again, rushed to the hospital, had a scan done and this time, I was told there was something else that need to be removed, hence another evacuation. Tears rolled down my eyes as I remembered the first pain I went through. They were actually two fetuses – a twin! I had the second evacuation, I cried again, but God gave strength and healing.
Psalm 73:26 “My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.”
God has given me a wonderful husband who daily reminds me of His faithfulness. In this time of healing, we have reminded ourselves on the many things God has done for us which are far greater than any pain we may be going through. I am grateful that God used this to help me share the gospel with my siblings and those around me who are not saved. God always uses all that He brings our way as life lessons. I pray that He helps me trust Him more.